How To Fight Your Partner

Healthy Fighting is very essential in any relationship. It helps you to understand your partner. It trashes every issues that have been covered and it restores sanity to the relationship.

Dr. John Gottman's research has discovered that the magic and healthy ratio of not fighting to fighting in a relationship is 5 to 1. In other words, there must be at least 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. How you fight is also more important than how much you fight.

I have come to understand that from ages past, stonewalling which is otherwise known as silent treatment has been a thing especially with women. They believe it speaks more volume than fighting and raising voices and that is very correct. When I decide to just go silent on my partner, without talking or just saying the needed things and I am not laughing at his jokes or having a gist with him like we used to, the first time that comes to his mind is, 'What could be wrong?' then 'What did I do wrong?' and then 'Could it be what happened...?'. This and many more questions will be going through the man's mind and before you know it, self doubt is in abundance especially from someone who cares so much.

Now, while women believe in silent treatment, matured men believe they don't have to raise their hands or voice, they can decide to starve their partner with sex, decide not to eat her food, compliment other women in her presence, chat with people with big smiles on their face and the king of it all is not giving her the attention she wants and needs.

You will agree with me that these two methods from both gender are almost the same and it is quite disastrous because just a little slip and things can go haywire such as meeting someone new and diverting all attention to that person.

The best way to fight is to argue productively while maintaining respect for each other during the conflicts and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT argue when you are tired or frustrated. It will end ugly if care is not taken. 

Also, when fighting, sit close to each other, if possible, hold hands and the take turns to say your point of views and treat one issue at a time. If you can do this everytime you fight, the level of understanding on each other's part will definitely increase.

Olufunlola.