My Singleness

I am twenty-eight years old.

Innocent as that might sound, it is my biggest crime. Nope it is not, I  forgot to mention I am single. My singleness is my biggest crime. I am a female, single and 28.

And nope, I am not going to bore you with stories of my failed relationships attempts. Mba!

I hate going to weddings. Those gatherings are like visiting hell and bathing with the hot coals, especially family related ones. My God! It is like the spotlight is automatically shifted to me.

Everyone always has something to say to me; Uncles, Aunties, Cousins, Grandparents, you just mention them.

Their words are usually as the following:

“Oh Temi, you are 28, hmmm, you would soon be 30 o. Don’t forget your door closes by then.”

“Are there no good men out there again in Lagos (as a case study)? This your standard is even too much gan sef. There are no perfect men out there o.”

“Do you know what I went through in the early years of my marriage? Marriage is an endurance trek o.”

“This your success gan sef, are you sure it isn’t the reason men are running from you?”

“You are too opinionated. Men don’t like that. When He says A, you’ve said Z, No man wants that.”

An uncle of mine was even bold enough to ask me this in my native dialect “Shey o fe single bi Oprah Winfrey ni? (Do you want to be fully single like Oprah Winfrey?) There’s no body like that in our family ooo.”

The most annoying sets are the aunties that would be ranting about destination weddings, Dubai this, Bahamas that. These ones are so bold they have my wedding dates  set on their calendars with the destination. I really pity my Mum in this gatherings, everyone goes to her and you hear something like “Oh next year we would all come to celebrate Temi’s wedding with you.” The poor woman is always depressed after this parties.

An uncle of mine even suggested a church to me where they would do deliverance for me. He thinks I am possessed and have a spirit husband that is why I am still single.

But please, how do I tell this people marriage is not an achievement? Nobody really cares about how far I have come in my short life, all they seem to be bothered about is my singleness. I am quite successful and I have only just started. I am the youngest partner in my firm and I did this from the ground up.

Who do I tell that most men in this generation are not serious? Most of them are just after a quickie. When commitment is brought into the conversation they run, Usain Bolt’s speed is nothing compared to theirs.

I cannot settle because of what society thinks. Yes, I get lonely at times but I am Me. What is it with society and strong, independent women? Why must my success be a threat to any man? In the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. “Any man that is threatened by my success is the type I do not want in the first place”.

See ehn, if marriage comes, good, if not good. But I am not less of a woman because I am not married. I am happy and I am not moody or gloomy. I have never understood why society thinks I should be otherwise because I am not married, I have a very fulfilling life and amazing friends.

I am happily single and do not hate the thought of getting married to a good man. And if you think I would settle for less, you must be kidding me.

Ooo, I have to run along. I’m going shopping for my cousin’s wedding ceremony this weekend. Oops! I forgot. She’s only 24. I think I might need to get a word proof cloth.

Writer: Temitayo Jaiyeola
https://africannarrative165533771.wordpress.com